HappyMama

 I’ve seen this list floating around blogosphere; I copied this one from Coffee&Diapers (1.11.07).  Worth a copy/paste/print/put on your fridge.  Read often so when those little things threaten to get bigger than they should, you’ve got some rules to fight by: 

1.We are on the same side. We are a team. The goal is not for me to win. The goal is to solve the problem and to love you better.

2.Your feelings matter to me even if they are very different from mine. I will not judge your feelings. I will try to understand them and I will try to help you understand mine.

3.I will not shout, throw, or slam anything.

4.I will not be sarcastic, call you names, or swear.

5.I will never threaten or even hint at the possibility of divorce. We are in this together for life. If I need space to think, cool off, or pray, I’ll ask for it and go to another room. I will not leave the house in anger.

6.I will not ascribe motives to your actions. I cannot read your mind and won’t try.

7.I will keep quiet when you talk and listen to everything you say.

8.I will stick with this discussion for as long as it takes. If we can’t finish right now, I will make a date in the very near future to pick it up again. I will not leave problems unresolved.

9.I will not give you the silent treatment. I will do my best to express my thoughts and feelings so you can understand. I will not clam up. I will not pout or manipulate through guilt.

10.I will ask for clarification when I don’t understand you. I will not jump to conclusions.

11.I will not throw old sins in your face.

12.I will apologize quickly if I break any of the above rules and I will try to do better as we go along.

13. I will admit when I am wrong. I will say I’m sorry. I will ask for your forgiveness.

14.If the children overhear us I will apologize to each of them and explain that married people argue even when they love each other very much. I will assure them that I love you and that our family is not in any danger whatsoever. I will never make you out to be the bad guy.

15.If we can’t solve a problem on our own in a reasonable amount of time, I will agree to outside help.