HappyMama

There isn’t a correlation between the amount of time we spend on any one priority, and it’s place in the pecking order.  For example, a bread-winning dad might work, say, 45 hours a week at his job - and that’s a Priority 5 concern.  As a SAHM, I spend most of my time on Priority 4 - taking care of my children.  The point I’m trying to make with this little lecture series is that we should all be spending time figuring out what our “minimum” responsibilities are in each of the 5 priorities, and making sure that we are AT LEAST getting those into our schedules.  And when dilemmas arrive as to how to spend our time, we take our priorities into consideration. 

I grew up being repeatedly told by every adult around me that I could “be whatever I wanted to be.”  That’s the American Dream.  Our high-school mentors, especially, were fond of telling us to “pick a job that you will enjoy!”  As if our jobs were the most important thing in life.  They aren’t.  First we give glory & honor to God.  Then, we take care of the life He has given us personally.  Then, for those of us who are married, we must consider our vocations.  For those of us given the gift of children, parenthood is our “second” vocation, and our Priority 4.  All these things should take precedence over what or where or how we are employed.

What are the minimum responsibilities you have toward your children?  God gives us our children to nourish, protect, love, speak the Gospel to, and educate.  We must also model the virtues for them.  It’s a tall order!  Scripture is quite clear of the consequences we will face if we lead our children astray.  What are the particular things you should do each day or week to ensure that your responsibilities are met? 

I happen to think that the culture we live in has a big effect on how we live Priority 4.  In past generations, I think some families instinctively knew that they needed to “nourish, protect, and love” their children, but didn’t take seriously enough the need to educate and form their children in the faith.  The culture I live in now tends to emphasize providing material goods for our children to such an extreme that protecting and loving - even enjoying! - our children is considered a less important way to spend our time.  There’s the attitude that well, if there were 30 hours to each day, then I’d have enough time to play with my kids, or teach them something useful… And the fact that our economy makes it difficult to have a single-income household certainly doesn’t help.  My main point, though, is that I really think parents need to frequently reflect on the true needs of our children and see how we can improve ourselves as parents. 

For everyone who doesn’t have children, I’d just like to say: parent’s can’t do it alone!  We need help!  Not in the sense of Hilary’s “it takes a village”.  Parents don’t need civil interference.  We just need occasional babysitting, companionship, conversation, and help with household chores!  Single people or married people without children or empty-nesters can really offer an invaluable service to parents.  God never meant for us to do it alone.

Happy St. Joseph’s feast day!!!  Cool picture here.  Litany of St. Joseph here. 

Lecture 3 in this series of 5. 

For those of us who have given ourselves in marriage, our marriage is our next priority.  This placement is notable in that it comes before “children.”  We have given ourselves to the person of our choice for life.  Children come to us, as gift, but not for keeps.  The point of raising and educating them is to prepare them to go out and live their own vocations some day.  They are separate individuals; our spouse is bonded to us spiritually until death. 

What does your marriage need?  How can you better help your spouse meet his priorities?  How can you increase his peace & joy?  How can you help him on his journey to Heaven?  I think we need to spend time praying about this.  I have a written list of things I’m trying to do to be a better wife, and I read it daily.  As our own needs change over time, so do those of our spouses.  I may be a hypocrite to write on this topic, since I know I often irritate my husband despite my good intentions, but here’s a sampling of some things I’ve thought of:

• Weekly date nights (we haven’t started this yet, but several women I respect have told me this is invaluable when it comes to keeping their marriage alive and well.)
• Pray for your marriage and your spouse everyday!  The kids and I pray for hubby everyday along with our meal prayer at lunchtime.
• Pray together.
• Do you need counseling?
• Read up on temperament (loved this one) and communication (loved this one)
• Make a mental list of your favorite moments with your spouse, and when you are mad at him, think about them.  (This was Alice von Hildebrands advice - she called it your Mount Tabor vision of your spouse.  When Christ was transfigured, his apostles saw Him in His glory and it helped them through the tough times later on.)
• Smile at him more often.
• Give him some quiet time each day - don’t accost him with a barrage of requests the instant he walks in the door.  Give him a happy greeting and the mail, and then let him unwind for a while in peace.  Then accost him!  LOL
• Compliment him often.
• Encourage him to spend time growing closer to God - retreats, sacraments, etc.
• Foot-rubs! 
• Spend less money so he doesn’t feel pressured to keep making more.

And the last thing I can think of off the top of my head:

• (For SAHM’s) Incorporate a daily “clean-up” time into your schedule before your husband gets home from work, so he can come home to a tidy, restful place.  Kids put all their toys away, and you walk around and pick things up, especially in the first room hubby comes into.

The lecture continues…

If you can discern what your current duties toward God are, and incorporate them into your daily schedule, then keep it up for 5-6 weeks so that they become embedded into your family habits.  The kids will start to think, “hmmm. I want to ask mom a question, but she’s having her prayer time right now.  I’ll wait until she’s done.”  And if you miss a day, you’ll really feel it.

I mentioned that Priority 2 is Self, and I’m sure there are a lot of holy-rollers out there going, “oh no, I would never put my own needs before that of my family’s.”  Well, that’s exactly what your airline stewardess will tell you to do if the cabin pressure drops.  You put on your own oxygen mask first, then help your kids.  I know that Christians are called to be selfless, but the point of Priority 2 is to Do What You Need to Keep Yourself Healthy & Sane.  So that yours can be a lifetime of service to others.  So you don’t get burned out.  So you respect the body & mind that God gave you from your conception, before you ever met your spouse.  Martyrdom isn’t something we seek.  If some Muslim fanatic came into my house today and said he’d kill me if I didn’t renounce my faith, then I pray that God would give me the grace to accept martyrdom rather than deny Priority 1.  But we don’t go out seeking martyrdom with our daily lives.

Spend time discerning what you need to stay healthy and sane.  How much sleep or rest do you need?  Are you getting enough exercise & healthy food?  Are you getting enough fresh air, personal space, quiet time, down time, alone time, nature time?  Do you have enough of a social life to meet your needs for fellowship?  Do you have mentors & mentees?  Is there a hobby or volunteer activity that really refreshes you? 

Discern what your minimum requirements for sanity & health are, and then start the difficult process of putting them into your daily, weekly, or monthly schedule.  For example, when I was last pregnant, I knew I wanted to have mom’s night out once a week, so I talked it over with hubby.  Thursday nights became my night - although, sometimes it’d get switched to a different night depending on circumstances.  Ideally, I’d have dinner ready when hubby got home from work, and then I’d leave and come home whenever I was ready.  I’d go shopping.  I’d go to a movie.  I’d go to a bookstore.  I loved it.  I came home, refreshed and ready for another week.  Unfortunately, since the baby was born, we haven’t resumed that practice… yet. 

It goes without saying that I offered hubby his own night out each week, too.  I think he’d prefer a night “in” - remote in one hand, beer in the other, kids out of hearing range.  That’s fine, too.  We all have different needs, God knows that men and women’s needs are usually polar opposites.  My point is, spend time carefully, honestly, and prayerfully discerning what you need each day or week in order to be your best.  And then do it.

I’ve been to a lot of religious conferences and retreats.  If I were to be a conference speaker, my topic would be:  take time to discern your priorities!!   You have to spend time figuring out how you should be spending your time.  I really believe it.  Most human beings who have lived spent their time merely trying to survive.  We have the luxury - and the burden - of having a lot more choice than that.

I’m sure many of you have read or heard of the book A Mother’s Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot.  In the book she reminds married parents of the classical order of our life’s priorities:

• God
• Self
• Spouse
• Children
• Everyone else

This is a simplification of terms, so let me explain.  I’ll start tonight with Priority 1 - Our Duties owed to God. 

God created us & sustains our life.  He gives us each breath that we take.  He sent His Son to die an awful death to save us.  He loves us unconditionally and knows the number of hairs on our heads.  He hears every thought we make.  He is infinite, and we are His creation.  We must each discern, with careful reflection and prayer, what it is that we owe our Creator & Savior.  What is the bare minimum that you owe your God each day?  I won’t bore you with personal details, but I’m convinced that I owe my God a greeting each morning, a placing of my day into His hands.  I know that I need to hear His Word in the Scriptures every day.  I know that I can pray for the needs of the entire world each day. 

Acknowledging that I’m extremely far from perfect, I offer these questions for reflection:

10 seconds?  10 minutes?  What do you owe your God each day?  And when can you make it happen?  If not the moment you wake up, then when?  What needs to happen before your prayer time so that you will not be interrupted?  Where will you pray?  What will you need to have with you?  On the days that you don’t get your “minimum” dues paid, why didn’t it happen?  What needs to be fixed in your schedule to make it work?  Do you always brush your teeth before you go to bed?  Assuming most people answer “yes,” then ask yourself, is it more important to die with healthy teeth or a healthy relationship with the One who will judge you?

Well, I got over the flu just in time to catch a nasty cold.  So, to all my faithful blog readers (ahem, mom & sis,) sorry I haven’t been here to brighten your day.  Now, without further ado, we’re on to today’s topic:  Oats.  Now that I know I have high cholesterol, everyone says to eat oats.  But what kind?  Are instant okay? What about minute-oats?

When I started my research, my first assumption was that the more processed the oats are, the less nutritious they are, and I’ve read that in a few articles, but without any explanations given.  Minute oats are just pressed thinner, so they cook faster. (Instant oats are pre-cooked, then dehydrated.  To me, that’s nasty.  But my kids love it.)  This article was the favorite one I found while browsing for info.  (Plus, she put that little ditty at the beginning that my hubby likes to say.)  I bought some thick old-fashioned oats at the natural food store, and so far they’ve been a big hit, especially with the kiddos, who love any kind of oatmeal.  This kind takes 15-20 minutes to cook, so I make it the night before, and I chop up an apple or two to cook with it, add a dash of cinnamon and then just enough brown sugar to sweeten it.  I read that you can store this kind of cooked oatmeal in the fridge for 2-3 days.  The kind I bought was Bob’s Red Mill - I love their products!

SACRAMENTUM CARITATIS -

On Feb. 22nd Pope Benedict issued this new Apostolic Exhortation, “Sacrament of Love,” on the Eucharist.  Read it here.

Thanks to Jimmy Akin for pointing out this great Lenten resource from the Vatican.