HappyMama

“Why do you let me see ruin;
why must I look at misery?
Destruction and violence are before me;
there is strife, and clamorous discord.

Then the LORD answered me and said:
Write down the vision clearly upon the tablets,
so that one can read it readily.
For the vision still has its time,
presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint…“

Habakkuk 2

My heart is SO full today, I can’t even explain it. Such beautiful promises in today’s readings to top it all off! What a weekend. Can I just tell the world for once what a great husband I have? Completely without my knowledge, he spent the past month plotting a surprise party FOR ME, back home, with the help of family & friends. I was stunned. My sister flew in from out-of-state, a friend drove in from another state. Hubby even planted an entire keg in our little car without me knowing!

Psychologists talk about filling up our “love tanks.” Well, yesterday my “love tank” was filled to the brim like the jars of the woman from Zarephath in the Old Testament. During a time of famine, God blessed her by giving her jars of flour & oil which never ran dry. [1 Kings 17] Thanks to all - for all the love!

A happy momma is what I am if you give me 5 minutes of solitude & quiet to reflect on my life!  I am living a life freely chosen.  Both marriage & motherhood are far more difficult than I once imagined them to be, but there’s no question that this is the path I carefully discerned and freely chose.  In the midst of all the noise and busy-ness of my daily life, I often lose sight of the beautiful, bigger picture of my existence, and I become frustrated, edgy, angry, or some other negative state.  I get caught up in the little things, like:

• the 2-year-old decides he wants to go potty standing up like his big brother (instead of sitting down) and somehow loses control and I witness a fire hose spraying every direction except in the toilet bowl;
• meanwhile I hear the baby start crying in the kitchen, so I hurry in there to find that he’s pulled a half-eaten bowl of cereal down from the table, spilling it on his head;
• the 4-year-old has begun his daily game of 500+Questions and wants his answers NOW:  “Mom, are there thieves in our town?  What do they look like?  Mom, what is a carpenter?  Mom, do you know what a baby armadillo is called?  Mom, will there be cars in heaven?”

And it’s only 7:30 in the morning.  I just have these moments when I feel incapable of meeting everyone’s needs.  But these moments are fleeting.  Most of the time, I just wander from one need to the next, enjoying one moment and then the next.  Like yesterday afternoon I was sitting down nursing the baby and we were having a little conversation back and forth - baby talk - and he starts to laugh and spits out milk all over me.  A few minutes later, he looks me straight in the eye and smiles, then starts to bite me… I said, “NO Biting!” And he smiled again and backed off.  He understands exactly what that means.  And he listens.  Because he wants to keep nursing.  And I want him to keep nursing.  It makes for one happy momma.

I’ve resumed taking Mom’s Night Out on Thursday nights.  We have two perpetual adoration chapels in our area, and I stopped in last week while I was out.  When I pray, almost always the same words come out:  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.  But thank you, thank you!”  As today’s 2nd reading says so perfectly,

He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.
{Col. 1}

Who isn’t comforted by today’s second Mass reading?!  It’s on days like this when I wish the mandate for periods of silence during the liturgy was liberally applied, to give the community more time to reflect on these profound lines of Scripture.  And it’s on days like this that I wish that my infant would sleep through Mass…  So for those of you who, like me, can’t get enough, here’s a morsel worth reviewing:

From St. Paul to the Romans, chapter 5

“…affliction produces endurance,
and endurance, proven character,
and proven character, hope,

and hope does not disappoint,
because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts
through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.”

There are 2 kinds of “hope.”  One is natural & instinctive; if you are optimistic by temperament, then natural hope arises more often during your life.  The other form of hope - the one referred to in the above passage - is supernatural.  Faith, hope, and charity - the theological virtues - are received as pure gift from God.  We can pray for them.  You may find yourself in seemingly hopeless situations… but keep praying for the gift of hope to sustain you, beyond mere human hope or endurance.  You know what comes to mind?  We know a man who has 5 children and lost his wife.  Hard to keep the faith?  Sure, if you are relying on human resources.  But he’s a man of prayer, and maintained hope for the future.  He is going to marry a friend of ours in a few months.  The Lord gives, and He takes away.  Do you like YouTube?  Have you seen the one about the little boy called 99Balloons?  It’s the same message.

Well, we made an important discovery Saturday night - that we can hear the tornado sirens when they go off.  It’s the first time they’ve needed to since we moved here.  I was spooked more than usual because of the previous night’s tragedy in that small town in Kansas that was obliterated by a level 5 tornado.  I couldn’t imagine being in that situation - having our house blown away from us - but I was so thankful to have a basement.  We carried the 3 sleeping ones downstairs, and I was also thankful to have a guest-bed to put them on.  I am indeed surrounded by blessings.

I keep thinking about the families in Kansas who lost a loved one Friday night in that unexpected, terrifying way.  Were those 10 people who died praying?  Was someone praying for them?  I think of St. John Vianney’s response to the question about unanswered prayers: “It is not a refusal but a test that prepares us to receive more abundantly what we desire.” 

There’s the general idea that every human being dies at the point in time when they are closest to God.  (I’m still here, so that means I’ve still got some growing ahead of me.)

Certainly I was filled with comfort during Mass on Sunday, after driving there and viewing flooded fields and thinking of this tragic event, when I heard the second reading:

Reading II
Rev 21:1-5a

Then I, John, saw a new heaven and a new earth.
The former heaven and the former earth had passed away,
and the sea was no more.
I also saw the holy city, a new Jerusalem,
coming down out of heaven from God,
prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,
“Behold, God’s dwelling is with the human race.
He will dwell with them and they will be his people
and God himself will always be with them as their God.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes,
and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain,
for the old order has passed away.”The One who sat on the throne said,
“Behold, I make all things new.”

“There shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain…”  Scripture never denies that life is full of suffering.  I think everyone suffers a lot.  Some big things, countless little things that add up.  That’s why I’m surprised that people don’t spend more time thinking about heaven.  It’s where we want to go; it’s the goal.  I think about it every day.

How beautiful this promise from God in today’s 1st reading!  I was listening to Light of the East radio program today, and someone mentioned the Eastern saying, “If it’s worth chanting once, it’s worth chanting 3 times!” in reference to the length of the Eastern Catholic liturgies.  (As an aside, I love the Byzantine liturgy!  I have friends who have attended them here.)  So even though you may have heard these verses already this weekend, if you have a moment read them again:

Jer. 17:
Thus says the LORD…
Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose hope is the LORD.
He is like a tree planted beside the waters
that stretches out its roots to the stream:
it fears not the heat when it comes;
its leaves stay green;
in the year of drought it shows no distress,
but still bears fruit.

Yesterday I was having a rough morning.  Not 1, not 2, but all 3 boys had woken me at different times during the night.  I’ve never been a “morning person” to begin with.  I was thinking, is motherhood supposed to be this hard?  And then I read Matthew 7:

14: For the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life…

Jesus knew from the beginning that the life He wanted us to live would be hard.  In the Garden Paradise it wasn’t, but it is now.  “13:…the gate is wide and the way is easy, that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.”  We have many choices.  It would be EASY for my husband to quit his job, or abandon his family.  It would be EASY to never be open to a larger family.  It would be EASY to skip Mass on the weekend, or sit the kids in front of the TV all day long. 

The life of a disciple may be hard, but one thing I’ve learned is that the only true joy and peace in my life has come from making the “hard” decisions, trusting that God knows what’s best for me.  He understands.  And I’m sure there won’t be anything “hard” about heaven!!  Eternal rest.  Exactly what I will need after a lifetime of raising these ornery boys!

 But I shall show you a still more excellent way. [1Cor. 12]

Today’s readings were essential to my acceptance of the existence of God & all that is supernatural.  Realizing the He is infinite and I am finite was at once simple and profound.  I used to struggle to believe in God because I couldn’t understand everything faith entailed.  Then, thanks to a marvelous series of events, a philosophy professor made me realize that that’s the point.  If  I could understand all the mysteries of God, then He wouldn’t be very magnificent, would he?  “I believe in order to understand” became my motto.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…[Jer.1]   God is infinite, and His ways are not ours.  Logic & reason can only get us so far.  Reason alone could never get to the conclusion that we should love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.  Reason alone could never find the benefit of fasting or vowing poverty, chastity, or obedience.   Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.” 

Dietrich von Hildebrand was a philosophical genius, but after he converted to Christianity, he realized how much more truth he was able to find.  In his biography, his wife writes:  “[After his conversion,] Dietrich’s life was changed.  His passionate love for beauty and for natural truth in no way waned.  But he had found a beauty that was infinitely more ravishing - the face of Christ and His Church and the supernatural message they convey, the path of humility and love leading to holiness.”

Today’s scriptures remind us that no amount of reason, this side of heaven, is sufficient for perfect knowledge.  Only in Heaven will we understand as completely as Christ intends for us.  We must bring all our concerns to prayer and view them with the light of humble faith, not the darkness of arrogance.

[1Cor. :] And if I have the gift of prophecy,
and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge…
but do not have love, I am nothing.

For we know partially and we prophesy partially,
but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.
When I was a child, I used to talk as a child,
think as a child, reason as a child;
when I became a man, I put aside childish things.
At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror,
but then face to face.
At present I know partially;
then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.

There are several versions of the bible in print today.  Here’s a description of several.  When it comes to interpreting Scripture, a good place to start for guidance is with the document Dei Verbum [Word of God].  The bible commentary I personally enjoy the most is that which is part of the Navarre bible, offered by Scepter Publishers.  The best (in my opinion, of course!) introduction to the Old Testament is a book written by the Rev. Michael Duggan called The Consuming Fire.  It was the textbook used when I took Old Testament at the Franciscan University of Steubenville.  Finally, I highly recommend the program called Catholic Scripture Study if you are interested in starting a bible study group.  It is awesome.  I’m no prophet, but I would not be surprised if some day these studies are found in every diocese around the world.  They are that good.