HappyMama

#4778 - I was blessed recently with a visit from a friend and her kiddos.  Between us there were 6 of ‘em, ages 5,4,3,2,1, & an infant!  (I think she’d agree with me that after a couple days with all 6 together in the house, 3 doesn’t seem so chaotic!)  Anyway, her last evening here, hubby offered to watch the older 5 kids for 2 hours so we could sneak out to a coffee shop.  Five years ago, he’d have rather had a root canal than do this.  To see how much he’s changed is another reason I love him. 

#4779 - Hubby talks a lot in his sleep.  I know, because I’m awake a lot at night!  Like all of us, there are a lot of random thoughts that go through his sleeping head, but he often talks about or to our children.  He’s a daddy, even in his sleep.  It’s another reason I love him.

 I’ve seen this list floating around blogosphere; I copied this one from Coffee&Diapers (1.11.07).  Worth a copy/paste/print/put on your fridge.  Read often so when those little things threaten to get bigger than they should, you’ve got some rules to fight by: 

1.We are on the same side. We are a team. The goal is not for me to win. The goal is to solve the problem and to love you better.

2.Your feelings matter to me even if they are very different from mine. I will not judge your feelings. I will try to understand them and I will try to help you understand mine.

3.I will not shout, throw, or slam anything.

4.I will not be sarcastic, call you names, or swear.

5.I will never threaten or even hint at the possibility of divorce. We are in this together for life. If I need space to think, cool off, or pray, I’ll ask for it and go to another room. I will not leave the house in anger.

6.I will not ascribe motives to your actions. I cannot read your mind and won’t try.

7.I will keep quiet when you talk and listen to everything you say.

8.I will stick with this discussion for as long as it takes. If we can’t finish right now, I will make a date in the very near future to pick it up again. I will not leave problems unresolved.

9.I will not give you the silent treatment. I will do my best to express my thoughts and feelings so you can understand. I will not clam up. I will not pout or manipulate through guilt.

10.I will ask for clarification when I don’t understand you. I will not jump to conclusions.

11.I will not throw old sins in your face.

12.I will apologize quickly if I break any of the above rules and I will try to do better as we go along.

13. I will admit when I am wrong. I will say I’m sorry. I will ask for your forgiveness.

14.If the children overhear us I will apologize to each of them and explain that married people argue even when they love each other very much. I will assure them that I love you and that our family is not in any danger whatsoever. I will never make you out to be the bad guy.

15.If we can’t solve a problem on our own in a reasonable amount of time, I will agree to outside help.

My first child taught me how to give of myself.  24/7, to put the needs of someone else above my own.

My second child taught me to trust in God’s wisdom.  After 2 years of devoting myself to my first-born, God gifted us with another child… and how on earth was I supposed to “split” myself between them?  The first week, it seemed impossible.  My heart broke just a little bit.  But very soon I began to learn how beautiful brotherhood could be.  I learned to trust that with each child God wants to give us, He will also supply strength, knowledge, and joy.

My third child has taught me how to smile.  As long as he’s on his reflux medication, he’s all smiles, all the time.  Maybe 200 times each day, and even during the night, he looks in my eyes and smiles this huge, toothless, nothing-held-back grin.  I can’t help but smile back!  He’s breaking down my melancholic, ever-serious temperament and showing me how fun it can be to smile.  This weekend my husband was heading out the door and when I said “goodbye!”, I flashed a big smile - without even thinking about it - and it took him by surprise. 

I’ve never been good at smiling.  I’ve always been too “serious.”  I mean, right now, children are starving to death somewhere in the world.  Why should I be smiling?  When I lived with Mother Teresa’s sisters, I frequently spent time reading her writings.  Mother wrote a lot about the importance of smiling, and I always struggled with that teaching.  (The sisters didn’t!!  They were certainly some of the happiest women I’ve EVER met!) 

In her acceptance speech of the Nobel Peace Prize, Mother mentioned smiling.  “You need to make an effort to know your poor,” she said.  They are strangers, but if you will take the time to smile at them, then love can begin to work.  “Let’s be willing to smile at one another.  Yes, a smile is the beginning of love.  And once we begin to love one another, the desire to do something more naturally follows.”

Once, a group of 14 college professors were visiting Mother in Calcutta.  Before they left, they asked her to leave them with a final piece of advice.  She said, “Smile at each other.  Take some time for each other in your families.  Smile.”  And one of them joked about how it can be difficult to smile at your spouse.  He teased Mother, “Are you married?”  And she said, “Yes, and sometimes I find it very difficult to smile at Jesus because He can be so demanding!”